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Oh Fuck: ‘Poser’ Baby Wearing Thrasher Onesie Can Actually Skate

LOS ANGELES — Local skater Chris Poole was left shocked today after he jokingly called a baby wearing a Thrasher shirt a ‘poser,’ only to discover that the baby could actually skate, sources confirmed.

“I saw this pudgy baby wearing a Thrasher shirt and made a little joke about him being a poser—well he must have heard me because next thing I knew that baby took my skateboard and did a back smith down the rail at Chevy Chase first try, I had been trying that all day and he showed me up,” said Poole, recalling the incident. “I thought maybe I could get him to stop and give my skateboard back by jingling my keys in front of him, but he just grabbed them and threw them into a storm drain. I don’t think his parents got around to teaching him about the importance of sharing because he never gave me my board back, either.”

Brian Denny, another skater who witnessed the scene, started recording on his iPhone while the baby humiliated Poole in front of the large crowd.

“That baby must have taken that comment personally because he was talking mad shit to that guy, it was mainly incomprehensible babble, but you could tell by his tone that he meant business,” said Denny, posting the video of the incident on TikTok. “Look, you can clearly see that baby winking at that guy’s girlfriend after he lands a nollie tre flip over the double set, too. It just goes to show you that you gotta watch who you talk shit to, because you never know—a couple years ago I made fun of a baby wearing a Slayer onesie and let’s just say I can never go back to that Guitar Center.”

While the baby’s mom, Pam Murphy, was taken aback by the incident, she wasn’t entirely surprised after noticing that her son Travis had developed an interest in skateboarding even before he could walk.

“Honestly we don’t know where Travis picked up this behavior, neither me or his dad skateboard, but just last week we checked on him after his nap and he had somehow filmed an entire part with William Strobeck for Supreme,” said Murphy, installing skatestoppers on the furniture of their house. “For the record we didn’t buy him that Thrasher shirt either, he just showed up with a bunch of merch one day along with an invitation to tour with the Baker team.”

At press time, baby Travis was fielding several offers for a line of signature baby skate shoes, pending a parental permission slip.