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Newborn Baby Already Out of iCloud Storage Space

SKOKIE, Ill. — Local parents Laura and Sam Conner learned yesterday that their first child, born just this past Sunday, is already out of iCloud storage space, mildly frustrated sources confirmed.

“We were so happy to bring our little bundle of joy home with us,” said Ms. Conner. “But, whoopsie — mommy’s little man somehow already maxed out his very first cloud storage!”

“Yes, he did!” she added, talking to her child. “We’ll have to upgrade for $0.99 a month, but even then, it won’t fix anything, will it? Will it?”

The child’s father has allegedly disregarded alerts about his own lack of backup space since 2011, shortly after Apple CEO Tim Cook announced the cloud-based file storage feature.

“I’ve purchased a new iPhone every year… and without fail, as soon as I unbox it and fire it up, it lets me know I’m out of storage space,” said Mr. Conner. “I’m so proud of my boy already living up to this proud family tradition. I’m not entirely sure what he can delete since his object permanence hasn’t kicked in, but he’ll figure it out.”

Medical experts assert that a child running out of storage space so early is nothing to be concerned about.

“I see this all the time,” said pediatrician Dr. Bonnie Plunkett. “Most babies run out of space before the doctor can smack their ass. Their son is perfectly normal — right in the middle of the bell curve. But if he starts getting alerts for updates multiple times a day, I’d suggest he hits the ‘Remind Me Tomorrow’ option, just to be safe.”

However, an Apple spokesperson cautioned that failing to upgrade one’s iCloud plan could mean a long-term loss of cherished memories and important information.

“We strongly encourage users of all ages to back up all of their personal files on iCloud,” said Maria Shalat, an Apple representative speaking under the condition that no questions pertain to the various iCloud hacks of celebrities’ private photos in recent years. “At Apple, we are proud to protect your most personal files from cradle to grave. And please remember — have your children turn on location services, so we can best track their every move, purchase, and thought.”

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