Press "Enter" to skip to content

MIDI Keyboard Doubles As MIDI Thing To Stack Shit On

ST. PAUL — Local woman Nicole Black converted her Novation SL61 MkIII MIDI Controller, originally purchased as a beginner instrument for music production, into a thing to stack shit on, sources report.

“I used to have a different keyboard, but it was too small, and I could barely fit any of my junkmail on top of it,” said Black while rooting around the pile for a parking ticket she lost last week. “Now I’ve got this beautiful piece of equipment with velocity-sensitive RGB pads, a semi-weighted keybed and plenty of extra room for the jumbled mess of craft supplies from when I tried to make a birthday card for my dog from scratch. And sometimes, I just need to come home from my soul-crushing day job and throw my keys and Contigo right on top of this thing before I collapse in a heap on my couch. As an artist, it’s all really liberating.”

Sam Ash employee Todd Kordowski, who sold Black the item, knows firsthand how popular multi-use audio equipment can be, particularly in an economic downturn.

“These MIDI controllers on the market now are more accessible and intuitive than ever before,” said Kordowski. “We can’t keep them in stock. From young students to older musical professionals, everyone seems to want one of these things so they can record at home, save the hassle and expense of visiting a traditional studio, and then use the keyboard to elevate a squeaky dinner table. These multipurpose keyboards can be found in-store for the deal price of $599.99, a steal when you consider that they also make excellent doorstops.”

Henri Lauder, Head of Design at Novation, says the flexibility of the product was intended from the start.

“We designed this controller to do everything a musician could want,” said Lauder. “It’s never been more important for artists without major label support to have affordable and dependable equipment at home to follow their passion. That’s why we made sure our newest models have extended batteries for on-the-go gig work, and that they can hold up to sixty pounds of the random crap our customers accumulate as their artistic dreams slowly die.”

As of press time, Black was seen searching the internet for advice on composting her controller now that the excitement has worn off.