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McDonald’s To Finally Introduce Wesley Willis Meal

CHICAGO — Mcdonald’s is finally honoring beloved musician Wesley Willis by announcing he would be the face of their latest celebrity meal, which is expected to debut this fall with each meal being served with a headbutt from an employee.

“We’ve had successful collaborations with musicians in the past, such as BTS, Cardi B & Offset, and Travis Scott, but none will whoop the llama’s ass as much as this meal will, and we have the privilege of introducing a meal that will honor the Daddy of Rock N Roll himself, Chicago’s own, Wesley Willis,” said McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinkski. “The Wesley Willis meal will contain one Big Mac, one Quarter Pounder, and one hamburger, and it will all be made from 100% caribou ass. It’s so good you’re going to want to suck a cheetah’s dick. We will also offer a free Wesley Willis meal to anyone who cuts their mullet inside one of our 13,500 locations in the United States.”

Long-time employee Mel Donovan wasn’t too pleased about the announcement of yet another meal collaboration.

“I started working here back when the Travis Scott meal first launched and every time I worked drive-thru, some asshole would blast ‘Sicko Mode’ into the speaker for their goddamn TikTok, and every time we rolled out a new collaboration, those same assholes would come back with a new song to annoy me with,” said a worried Donovan. “Do you wanna know how Many times I had to listen to ‘W.A.P’ and ‘Dynamite’? I swear that if these assholes start blaring ‘Rock n Roll McDonalds’ at the speaker I’m going to fucking snap. They don’t pay me enough for this crap.”

Expert corporate strategist Carol Pope noted how despite McDonald’s continued success with collaborations, other brands have not fared so well.

“The Wesley Willis meal is gonna be yet another hit for McDonald’s. Other chains have tried to capitalize on references, like when Burger King tried to sell Eminem’s spit as a dip for their onion rings, people literally couldn’t stop throwing up,” said Pope. “Then there was the time Taco Bell tried to market their ill-fated Primus 7-layer Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver burrito and the advertised it as ‘smelling authentic.’ They just didn’t have their pulse on what the people want, but the Wesley Willis meal advertises itself, Rock Over London, Rock On Chicago, McDonalds, I’m Lovin’ It.”

At press time, Kempczinkski was reportedly in contact with the Willis estate to change the lyrics of “Rock ‘n’ Roll McDonalds” after actually listening to the song for the first time.