CHICAGO — Local man Tom Bencin, who recently spent $35 on a Pussyslaughter T-shirt that reads “#1 PUSSY MURDERER” in giant letters, has not yet summoned the courage to wear the shirt outside the house, sources close to the coward confirmed.
“Yo, Pussyslaughter is one of my favorite bands, and I wanted to support those dudes. I thought the shirt about murdering pussy was hilarious, so I snatched it,” said Bencin. “It hasn’t gotten into my normal rotation yet, but that’s only because it’s been so cold. I, like… don’t want to cover it up with a jacket, or whatever.”
However, those closest to Bencin believe he is simply too scared to wear the shirt due to it’s offensive language.
“Tom was super jazzed about the shirt the night he bought it,” said roommate Mark Hernandez. “He showed it to me immediately; I’m pretty sure he even slept in it that night. But other than that night, I haven’t seen the shirt… and between you and me, I am not complaining. The shirt sucks, and that band sucks.”
Bencin’s downstairs neighbor Melissa Torres thought she may have seen Bencin in the shirt one morning, but couldn’t say for sure.
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“I said hi to Tom when we were both in the lobby one morning, and I think I caught a glimpse of the word “pussy” on his shirt… but once he saw me, he ran back to his apartment. He left his mailbox open, too,” said Torres. “I know the back of the shirt read, ‘Women: 0 Pussyslaughter: 666,’ so if that’s the same shirt, then, yeah. I saw him in the lobby with it.”
“I did wear the shirt while watching a UFC pay-per-view at my apartment,” said Bencin. “And people even complimented me on it. But when they all went out drinking after, I stayed back because you… you know, it was getting late, or whatever.”
At press time, it was unclear whether or not Bencin would wear the shirt when the band returns to Chicago on their next tour.