BENNINGTON, Vt. — Local bartender Jerome Skinner is nearing a final decision on what subject he will become temporarily engrossed with next, according to sources who are sick of hearing about it.
“I’ve narrowed it down to just a few options,” said Skinner while manically adding cycling accessories to his Amazon cart. “My next hobby will probably be biking, but I’m also considering getting way into cast iron cookware for a while, or learning to make my own pickles and kimchi. Whatever I decide to focus on next, trust me, this one’s going to stick. I know I’ve had some brief, costly obsessions in the past, but this time it will be different. If I’m going to sink all of my disposable income, mental energy and spare time into something again, it’s definitely going to last, except for the times I tried woodworking, photography, and ultra marathon running.”
Skinner’s wife says their apartment is already crowded with implements from his previous fleeting interests.
“The hall closet is completely jammed with skateboards, helmets and knee pads from when Jerome got super into skating for like two months,” said Gayle Skinner while deftly sidestepping a stack of books on homebrewing. “On our first date, I was impressed with how passionate Jerome was about baking—it was all he talked about. Little did I know that was only one of dozens of hobbies he’s cycled through. He hasn’t broken out the Kitchenaid mixer in years. I just pray his next hobby is something that doesn’t take up a lot of room, like bonsai trees or building ships in bottles.”
Psychologist Bentley Cross says certain people are susceptible to becoming addicted to the excitement of a new hobby.
“It sounds like Mr. Skinner tends to get more of a thrill from the fantasy of a hobby rather than the hobby itself,” said Cross. “He enjoys the rush of researching, buying equipment and daydreaming about a whole new lifestyle surrounding the hobby du jour. But most people that ‘chase the dragon’ in this manner end up burning out and losing interest once any actual effort or dedication is required of them. I myself am no stranger to the siren’s call of a new passion. I became preoccupied with taxidermy for a time but unfortunately it didn’t last. Now my garage is full of moldering pelts and glass eyes.”
At press time, Skinner had been observed carrying several large aquariums into his apartment after deciding that fishkeeping would be his next endeavor.