BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local man baby Tim Jeffers is looking to tweak his identity to be a silly guy, confirmed sources.
“My ex-girlfriend told me if I didn’t grow up, nobody would take me seriously,” Jeffers explained, sucking on a Zynn like a pacifier. “It was time, according to all the women in my life. But I thought to myself: I’m not going to be one of those serious guys who knows how to tie a tie or has a savings account, I want to be the type of guy that is such a silly goose you never really get to know the real me. Nobody can point a finger because they’re laughing so hard at my hilarious quips, like that time I dazzled everyone at a party with my puns. They thought it was so funny that they all had to leave the room and not talk to me the rest of the night.”
Ex-girlfriend Lea Davis wasn’t buying the rebrand.
“He took me on one actual date in three years, and he wore sweatpants and conveniently forgot his wallet,” said Davis. “You know where we went? The ‘lounge’ inside the Great Wolf Lodge that his cousin was staying at. I got a pina colada that tasted like piss and a grilled skewer of some kind that I can only describe as possum-adjacent. Now that he’s a silly guy, I’m sure he’ll be the same exact person but with more dad jokes. That’s somehow worse.”
Experts warned about the alarming transition to silly guy.
“Silly guys are just man babies who are comedy hacks,” offered psychologist Ruth Vintera. “Interestingly enough, both man babies and silly guys are the result of the male loneliness epidemic, if you believe in that kind of thing. But don’t worry, man babies looking to graduate to silly guys usually won’t last long in that phase. Hopefully, with a little luck, they’ll rebrand as an adult. But you’ll know that they’re actually still in man baby form if they use the term ‘adulting.’ No adult says that.”
At press time, a maturing Jeffers hoped to rebrand as a wife guy, but didn’t even have a girlfriend.
