BARTERTOWN, Australia — A group of mostly nude, heavily armed combatants honored the life of legendary singer and actress Tina Turner by fighting each other to the death in the Thunderdome, excited sources confirmed.
“Tina changed my life. It might surprise you to learn I’ve had some issues controlling my anger. But listening to Tina puts me at ease. Her music was the soundtrack to my childhood, and her role in the ‘Mad Max’ franchise made me into the bloodthirsty gladiator that I am today,” said a man known as Bone Stew while wrapping barbed wire around a baseball bat. “I will destroy any man they put in front of me to pay tribute to Queen Tina. And If I die then I look forward to going to Hell where I can beat the fuck out of Ike Turner for all eternity. Rest easy private dancer.”
Thunderdome architect Lyle Pachecko says the structure is more dangerous than ever after years of standing dormant.
“We can’t have any spectators climb on the structure anymore because it’s rusted to shit. The whole thing could collapse if a big enough bird landed on it. Don’t even get me started on the bungee cords we used to have attached to the ceiling. Those things rotted away in the ‘90s,” said Pachecko while throwing old farm equipment into the dome’s killing floor. “A few years back Mel Gibson did stop by to pick up that giant mallet. I had heard he was having some trouble at home so I hid the thing under my porch. He shouldn’t be allowed to have any weapons, the fucking psycho.”
Representatives from the Turner estate say they are supportive of the deadly battle.
“Tina would have loved this. After she filmed her part in ‘Beyond Thunderdome’ she would travel the world to watch underground death matches. She believed it was ‘the only honorable combat,’” said Turner’s longtime lawyer Edward Rentalier. “Ms. Turner’s estate is willing to donate three pairs of Tina’s high heels to the winner of the deathmatch. We hope to see lots of broken bones, spilled blood, and maybe even some brains.”
Fans of Turner have also started a campaign to vote for her as a write-in candidate in the next Los Angeles mayoral election as a tribute to her cameo in “Last Action Hero.”