PORTLAND, Ore. — Local resident Calvin Davenport continues to experience unprecedented levels of euphoria nearly a decade after successfully recommending midwest emo band Dad Pants to his college roommate Drew Patterson, despite his life being in complete disarray.
“You know, people always say the happiest moment in your life is holding your newborn in your arms, and yeah, that was pretty cool,” said Davenport, before he pulled up the screenshot of Patterson’s text that read “Dude, it’s really good. Thanks for sending it.” “But nothing compares to knowing you’ve introduced a true musical treasure into someone’s life that they never would have known about otherwise. Sure, my ex-wife got full custody and I’m being sued by three different credit card companies, but every time I think about Drew’s first listen to Dad Pants, I get this warm feeling that just washes over my whole body. This is the meaning of life.”
Patterson was bewildered by Davenport’s apparent elation.
“I’m just confused. He’s unemployed, divorced, and had to move back in with his parents,” said Patterson, shifting uncomfortably after running into Davenport at a 7-Eleven. “Yet despite all this, he’s always weirdly cheerful when I see him and immediately brings up the band he showed me like eight years ago. And to be honest, I listened to maybe two songs and thought they were fine but nothing to write home about. I sent him a polite text and somehow that became his entire personality. I just don’t have the heart to tell him it wasn’t life-changing. He just seems so happy.”
Dr. Marcus Chen, lead researcher at Portland State University’s Department of Neuroscience, believes Davenport’s case could revolutionize mental health treatment.
“Traditional antidepressants may soon be obsolete,” noted Dr. Chen, methodically documenting Davenport’s dopamine and serotonin levels. “Our research suggests that the neural response to a perceived successful music recommendation is more powerful than any pharmaceutical intervention we’ve studied. We’re already developing a new form of therapy where clinically depressed patients are paired with people who will pretend to enjoy their Spotify playlists.”
At press time, Davenport was seen smiling contentedly after remembering that he once successfully recommended a local Mexican restaurant to a friend.