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LAX Adds New Terminal You Have to Take a Plane Flight Shuttle To and From

LOS ANGELES — Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) announced the addition of a new terminal only accessible by taking a regional flight before departing for passengers’ intended destination.

“Our state-of-the-art Terminal 10 is located just 120 miles away in Barstow, California, and features an Erewhon Cafe and six state-of-the-art Hudson News shops,” said LAX spokesperson and lead propagandist Eve Garley. “Similar to our Terminal R which is accessible by bus shuttle only, access to Terminal 10 will require passengers to perform a full boarding process onto an Airbus A232. We are also building out a rage room to help passengers cope with the additional stress of travel. This is expected to be completed in 2032.”

Passengers are having mixed reactions to the deepening complexity of navigating the world’s third-busiest airport.

“LAX makes you wonder why any other country or group would bother attacking America- we’re already so good at torturing ourselves,” lamented Yasmin Perez, who now leaves her house 7 hours before her flight departure time. “There must be a heaven because I’ve seen hell and it is sitting in a plane while it taxis for two hours on the LAX tarmac with no A/C. LAX is Satan’s vacation house. It’s basically seven little tiny shitty airports smushed together into one. Civilization was a mistake.”

Shrewd workers in the greater Southern California area have found ways to capitalize on the painful experiences found at LAX.

“I’m a psychoanalyst specialized in LAX-induced trauma,” said Dr. Paul Weisen, who practices out of a booth at the Sepulveda Boulevard In-And-Out. “82% of my patients want to talk through their horrific experiences at LAX in the hopes of overcoming PTSD. Second-generation Angelenos show obvious signs of inherited generational trauma. The other 18% seek treatment for other Los Angeles-related issues, such as spending hours of their lives on the 405 or having to find parking in West Hollywood for a friend’s birthday party. I have over a 3% success rate of rehabilitation. Everyone else moves to Texas or Colorado eventually.”

LAX also announced changes to TSA screening, allowing passengers to directly text photos of their genitals to TSA agents in lieu of entering their body scanners.