WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance was greeted with boos, jeers, and obscenities upon making a rare visit to the bedroom of Second Lady Usha Vance over the weekend, confirmed sources who decided to join in.
“Well look, as usual the fake news media is blowing this out of proportion,” said Vance before receiving a text from his mother that read “boo.” “I mean, who hasn’t been viciously booed by their family, friends, and complete strangers? Quite frankly, it’s the radical left losers receiving love and affection from their spouses who are destroying this country. Why aren’t we asking them why their wives always greet them with a warm embrace? These baseless attacks from so-called journalists are an attempt to distract from the president’s America-first agenda. Let’s hope that agenda also includes banning loved ones from sneering at the vice president.”
The loud incident at the vice president’s home drew the attention of nearby residents on an otherwise quiet night in Washington.
“I heard it from a quarter mile away,” remarked dog walker Jess Karlsberg. “It sounded like the Philadelphia Eagles’ stadium after a questionable call. My chihuahua clients went into a frenzy. I had never seen a dog experience secondhand embarrassment before, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. The only thing that came close was when I heard the story of Stephen Miller getting booed by his first grade teacher.”
The vice president has been one of the leading voices condemning peaceful protests in recent months, leading critics to wonder if he will now condemn the peaceful protest of his own wife.
“Vance’s popularity has been on the decline for months, and we’re now seeing that his unlikeability extends to his own marriage,” political strategist Michael Sprow explained. “When you dig into the polls, some of his worst numbers are coming from inside the house. It will be interesting to see if the VP calls for any restrictions on the First Amendment rights of his family members. Gosh, I just can’t get over it. I can’t get over how much of a loser he is.”
At press time, Vance’s children were gathering in the family’s living room to boo their father upon his return.
