BURLINGTON, Vt. — A participant of an impromptu road trip sing-along confidently began the chorus to a popular song a bit too early and reportedly decided to just go with it as if he were correct, embarrassed sources confirmed while shaking their goddamn heads.
“Ah man, I panicked, ok? I flat-out panicked. ‘Roxanne’ came on the radio, and everyone else in the car was so pumped, like it was an inside joke or something, and I figured I had heard it a million times so why not join in the sing-along? That second chorus was coming and I jumped the gun, hard,” said last-minute invite Burt Gryc, who is new to the tight-knit friend group. “So I decided I had to go down with the ship. Just sang the whole rest of the song a whole measure too early, and have since started living my entire life a step ahead of everything from then on. You know, to save face. Lord, I’m tired.”
Other passengers of the car ride found the misguided conviction both hilarious and profoundly unsettling.
“Well, at first, we all felt embarrassed for him. He just came in so incredibly incorrectly with such vibrant confidence, we were all wishing we were turtles that could put our heads into our shells. But, then we realized he was doubling down, and we had to start admiring it. If only from his unrelenting commitment.” said driver Mary-Sue Purkhiser. “At a certain point, he was so all-in, I started to question who was right and who was wrong. Maybe we all came in too late? My head’s still swimming in doubt. We had to pull over to the side of the road and all respectively reflect on our choices. Not Burt though, he just kept on singing.”
Leading authorities in the area of quantum physics have taken a particularly vested interest in Gryc’s unique situation.
“To put it in the simplest terms, Mr. Gryc here is a full step ahead of us all in time and space. Frankly, he has an important duty to society to help prevent catastrophe from striking at any moment. Anything from stopping someone from stubbing their toe to somehow avoiding another Titanic or Hindenburg situation,” said Dr. Kalilah Camino, from her Dartmouth office. “A lot rests on his shoulders. It’s funny, usually Sting’s music is played to conceive a new life, not permanently alter the trajectory of an existing one. America will soon have him to thank.”
After the road trip, it was revealed that another passenger sang the song so slow that they are only just now finishing it three days later.