EASTHAMPTON, Mass. — A longtime inhabitant of the drywall space behind the practice area of indie garage band Oyster Boys audibly requested a song at the risk of revealing himself, sources confirmed while looking around as if to say “who said that?”
“Cover blown, folks. I repeat, cover blown! It was my own fault for getting to know their setlist too well, man. Not to brag, but I’ve been successfully camping out rent-free in the space between walls of where these dudes rehearse. I definitely risked the sweet set-up I got going by shouting out ‘The Codeine Creep,’” said squatter Gerard Roswell, at a hushed whisper. “But, c’mon, it’s my favorite song of theirs! I didn’t want them to skip it! But now I’m shaking in my boots that they’re going to call a building inspector on me just when I’ve gotten the hang of sleeping standing up with my left arm resting on a girder. Goodbye life of luxury, I guess!”
Band members report an agreed upon suspicion that the space has been haunted for years.
“I never wanted to believe the spooky rumors until now. I like to think I have a pretty airtight lock on reality, and don’t go in for any of that X-Files shit, but we all heard it clear as day. Even over the amp feedback,” said rhythm guitarist Mick “Puff” Daragon, as his eyes darted around the room at every creak or rustle. “Needless to say, we heeded the voice’s order and played ‘Creep’ the best we’d ever played it, even with, or perhaps because of, the shivers in our spine. Oh, and then we heeded his other order too. The one to bring it some protein-rich food and ‘fresh piss bottle’ the next time we got together.”
Federal paranormal investigators were called in, but reported a less-than-otherworldly phenomenon.
“Oh, these kids have a hider in their walls. Likely a fellow male twenty-something who doesn’t want to be a part of regular quote-unquote ‘society’ and is figuring life out while sleeping in the crawlspace of this building. Who are we to blow up his spot? Hell, we admire the guy,” said Special Agent Carol Clemons, FBI. “We’re gonna follow government protocol which states ‘blame it on poltergeists’ and we’ll just encourage the band to turn their amps up louder and ignore everything else. See, the government helps sometimes. We told you so!”
At press time, another, totally different hider living in the crawlspace under the first hider was afraid to comment on the developing story, lest he be found out.