VESTAL, N.Y. — The funeral for local punk Jimmy Stark became a matter of sheer embarrassment when his best friend Derek Norton accidentally forgot to skip the long annoying YouTube ads on the song he requested play at his funeral, several cringe-struck sources report.
“Jimmy made it clear to me in his final days he wanted to have that specific Poison song played during his funeral. Since nobody has a CD player anymore I just hooked my laptop up straight to the funeral home PA,” a visibly nervous Norton explained. “How was I supposed to know ‘Every Rose Has Its Thorn’ doesn’t kick off with a special offer for unlimited data when switching to T-Mobile? I haven’t heard that full song in well over 15 years and I thought it was just an extended intro. But judging by how quickly the mood turned from sadness to ‘what the fuck?,’ I could tell something just wasn’t right.”
Funeral attendee Ashley Brightwell weighed in on the regrettable tribute to her friend and colleague.
“The services were actually really beautiful up until that idiot Derek took the entire mood down. The cell phone commercial was bad enough, but then the 17-minute ad on the benefits of using Walter & Son’s spray foam insulation that followed turned it downright unbelievable,” Brightwell explained. “We all thought it would never end! By the time the actual song came on, the funeral had cleared out. I mean, who clears out a funeral crowd? A negligent moron, that’s who.”
Director of services at Scrimm-Altwater Funeral Home Richard Altwater has come across many embarrassing tribute song instances during his many years in the funeral business.
“Many times, the tribute song played at a funeral is the most touching reflection and representation of the life of those who passed,” Altwater said in an obviously annoyed tone. “But it also can be the part that ruins the entire ceremony. In one instance, ‘Dust in the Wind’ was supposed to be played in memory of the deceased, but the inexperienced person playing the song on YouTube picked some Woody Guthrie dust bowl ballad about ‘Dusty Old Dust’ by accident. Hearing about an Oakie headed west was not the tribute those attending had in mind.”
At press time, Norton was seen scrambling to close out the screaming goat compilation video that was supposed to be a video collage of his deceased friend.