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George Santos Says He Plans to Return to Previous Job as Starting Forward for Denver Nuggets

WASHINGTON — Embattled Congressman George Santos says he is not worried about his future as a politician and that he is already shifting gears to make his return to the starting lineup of the Denver Nuggets, confirmed staffers already looking for new jobs.

“Most people don’t know this, but I walked away from a lucrative seven-figure salary as one of the most dominant players in the NBA in order to serve the fine people of New York’s 3rd district,” said Santos while shredding documents. “Now that my time in office is coming to a successful end, I’m excited to get back out on the court to show the world I’m still at the top of my game. When I was a kid I remember everyone freaking out when Michael Jordan dunked from the free-throw line, that’s nothing compared to what I’ve got ready for my first game back. A 360 tomahawk dunk, from half court worth 600 points.”

Long Island native and diehard Santos supporter Lou Donovan is excited to see the Congressman’s next move.

“I’ll tell you I was a bit heartbroken when I heard Georgie wasn’t going to be playing for the Knicks. I think a doughy 35-year-old is exactly what the team needs to get over the hump this season,” said Donovan. “But I’ll support him wherever he goes. Denver has a great team, I think he will fit in well there. When he was campaigning he talked about his three Super Bowl rings and all I’m saying is the Jets could really use a QB right now. If he wants to make his NFL comeback instead it seems like the time is right, since all those Democrats are tearing this country apart.”

Michael Malone, the coach of the Nuggets, said he is unaware of any plans to add Santos to the lineup.

“We are in a bit of a slump right now and I intend to get back to our winning ways by bringing some people off of the bench that are hungry. I’ve talked with the team owner Stan Kroenke and although he likes Rep. Santos’ politics, we don’t think he’s a good fit for our team, or any team really,” said Malone. “Rep. Santos did email me a 17-minute video where the first half is of him dribbling a ball in his driveway, but multiple times the ball hit his foot and went flying into the street. The second half of the video is Rep. Santos talking about how he is a close personal friend of Dikembe Mutombo and he claims he taught Dikembe how to be so tall. It was very strange.”

At press time, aides for Santos were claiming he was not available for further comment because he was being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.