BIXBY, Okla. — Local 24-year-old Rylan Humphreys recently came across an old iPhone containing dozens of QR codes from various concerts and shows she’s attended, nostalgic sources confirmed.
“I was in my childhood bedroom looking for an ounce of weed I swear I stashed in the closet, when I found my memory box. Most of it was useless shit like my birth certificate and a prayer card from pop-pop’s funeral. But I also kept a practically ancient iPhone 10 with PDF tickets of all the concerts I attended throughout high school all just sitting there in my Apple Wallet,” explained Humphreys who has no recollection of 9/11. “All those old QR codes brought back a flood of amazing memories, like the time I watched Deadmau5 pretend to turn knobs for three hours, or the practically spiritual experience of watching a Tame Impala live-streamed pandemic concert from my living room.”
Humphrey’s 33-year-old sister Abigail was confused by her younger sibling’s wistfulness.
“Rylan made me swipe through QR codes on a dusty old phone for 10 minutes before explaining that ‘this was his whole adolescence.’ I really feel for these younger generations. I’m glad I got to experience life before technology ruined everything. We actually had to print out the PDFs of our concert tickets, and the MapQuest directions to the venues,” said the elder Humphreys. “I tried showing my concert ticket collection to Rylan but first I had to explain to her the concept of paper. When I got to the part about printer paper being essentially slices of trees, she laughed in my face and called it ‘some fantastical hobbit shit’ before walking away.”
Retired concert promoter Bennett “Bean Wallet” Dotson lamented how technology had changed the business.
“When I was a kid, if we wanted to see our favorite bands we had to scour telephone poles and coffee shop message boards all over town and hope we come across a stapled flyer before it got covered up by ads for guitar lessons and barely veiled escort services,” said Dotson. “Now everything is so damn convenient. Bands can use the internets to speak directly to their fans, making concert promoters and our 25% cut of what they make at the door a thing of the past. It’s a sad, sorry state.”
At press time, a completely baffled Humphreys still is unsure what to think after finding the liner notes from her mom’s copy of “OK Computer.”