SEATTLE — A casual dinner amongst old friends at The Prissy Duck took a turn Friday night when apparent nouveau riche Luke Moore encouraged everyone to split several appetizers, sparking accusations that someone must be rolling in goddamn cash, less affluent sources confirmed.
“Where does this guy get off thinking we can all afford to eat appetizers?! I mean, seriously, it must be nice to be able to look at a menu without having a panic attack,” said struggling writer Tessa Larson, who just got water to drink. “I planned to order a $9 side dish as my entire meal, and Luke’s out here talking about ordering goddamn Arancini and Racalette to share, like we are all fuckin’ Vanderbilts. Not all of us got a cush job in the tech industry right out of college, Luke! I’m paying for this meal with overdraft protection! You better fucking believe we are not splitting this check evenly like that stunt [Moore] pulled last month at Pully & Barrow.”
Moore, however, seemed to be unwavering in his attempt to “go in on a few apps” with no concerns for his friends’ economic woes.
“I don’t see the big deal in splitting some Smoked Aioli Crab Cakes. We are all adults now and it’s time to stop acting like we still split Grand Slams at Denny’s,” Moore said, with the confidence of someone who never had student loans. “A couple small plates won’t break the bank. It’s been a hard year and we should treat ourselves. Plus, I want to celebrate that I finally paid off my car.”
Dr. Morgan Hartwell, a sociologist specializing in economic disparities among peer groups, explained that these dinner table dynamics are common in people in their late 20s and early 30s.
“In every generation there comes a point where a wealth gap grows between friends who’ve secured stable careers and those still, let’s say, trying to find themselves,” Dr. Hartwell stated. “So when someone suggests ordering extraneous cuisine, it really highlights the ignorance of the middle-class in relation to their ‘dreamer’ contemporaries. This is why we recommend only dining with friends who are in your same tax bracket.”
As of press time, the dinner abruptly ended after Moore ordered a bottle of wine for everyone without consulting anyone.