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Exhausted Bigot Really Going Through the Motions With Death Threats

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Trevor Delphry, a self-described “crypto wrangler” and member of several known white supremacist groups, recently found himself unable to make death threats of any meaningful significance to him or his targets, several sources report.

“I don’t know what happened,” said Delphy, staring blankly at an unsent Instagram message to a local community organizer that simply reads “I’M GOING TO—.” “I used to get so much joy out of harassing people with threats to slit open their throats, decapitate them, and then do unspeakable things to their corpses. And theoretically, I should be in my prime, what with all the heathens emboldened by the godless multicultural communism of Joe Biden. But I’m mostly just really bored of it all. Even trying to spice things up with thumbs-down emojis hasn’t really helped much.”

Recipients of Delphry’s threats have concurred that they lack inspiration.

“Every threat should be taken seriously, of course,” said trans activist Eden Stover. “But when I got one from him that just read, “Bathroom, kids, I kill you,” I was more confused than anything. I think he got stuck in the drafting process and just got frustrated and sent it out. I waited a week before blocking him to see if he would maybe come up with something better. But no such luck. I’m almost sad for the guy.”

Dr. Angela Richmond, a Professor of Civil Liberties at Columbia University, says that technological advances put an unforeseen burden on people looking to spread hate and fear.

“Social media and a never-ending news cycle provide endless opportunities for targeting vulnerable populations, but bigots like Delphry can find themselves at an impasse, still beside themselves with hateful rage but burnt-out and only able to come up with weak, typo-riddled taunts,” said Richmond. “If things turn out as I suspect they will, he’ll eventually give up trying altogether and just resort to retweeting Tucker Carlson videos for his 7 Twitter followers.”

At press time, Delphry had purchased a set of stationery and a ballpoint to see if sending handwritten threats would “bring [his] groove back.”