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Ex-Ska Fan Fills in Every White Box on Checkered Vans with Sharpie

COSTA MESA, Calif. — 33-year-old house painter and disillusioned ska enthusiast Brady Taylor took a Sharpie to the white boxes on his checkered Vans Slip-Ons during his lunch break yesterday to try to erase his embarrassing past, according to multiple eyewitnesses.

“I’m happy he finally did it,” said Kelsey Zuniga, Taylor’s friend and occasional beer pong partner. “After he saw Less Than Jake last year and they didn’t play ‘The Science of Selling Yourself Short,’ he was so heartbroken — I mean, really hurt. He said he’d never listen to ska again… but the next day, I saw him skanking in his garage to Streetlight Manifesto. Some people just really need to hit rock bottom before they’re ready to let go.”

The “soul-crushing” disappointment by the denial of hearing his favorite song live was reportedly just the latest of many frustrations in Taylor’s long, tumultuous relationship with ska.

“The Aquabats’ transition into children’s programming was a really tough blow,” said Taylor’s mother and part-time interior decorator Michelle Taylor-Keefe. “He’d just wander around the house muttering to himself about how they were ‘selling out.’ I hope he bounces back soon — I just know there’s a style of music out there for him.”

Determined to finally get over the genre that carried him through his teen years and “kind of weirdly late” into adulthood, Taylor took out his angst on his shoes in a brief moment of catharsis.

“Once I made up my mind, I just started scribbling away,” said Taylor. “Sure, we had some good times, but those two-tone Vans were a constant reminder of a bad genre that became a source of pain and disappointment for me. I had to let go.”

“If it was meant to be, maybe they’ll come back,” he added.

After his outburst, however, a relieved Taylor seemed positive.

“I feel great. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier,” he said. “It was a long time coming, and I’m really looking forward to the future. I’ve even started experimenting with other genres — I’m actually going to a math rock show tomorrow, so we’ll see.”

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