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DIY Project Abandoned After First Minor Setback

NORTHAMPTON, Mass. — Aspiring influencer Joey Partouzi abandoned a much-hyped DIY project in record time yesterday after facing a small setback during the planning stage, disappointed yet unsurprised sources confirmed.

“I was going to show my 400 Instagram followers how to save money by making your own band pins at home, but unfortunately, I’m putting this project on the backburner for the time being,” said Partouzi from his would-be studio. “I didn’t have the right size casing for the buttons, and the Michael’s near my place didn’t have the ones I needed. Yeah, I could’ve driven 20 minutes to a different crafts store, but it was already 2 p.m. and I was worried rush hour might start early, and then my whole night would have went to shit.”

The staff at Michael’s confirmed Partouzi’s version of events, noting they’d encountered him before.

“Yeah, that guy’s always coming in here for something or other… but I’d be surprised if he ever actually finishes any of these projects he’s always telling us about,” reported Michael’s cashier Beverly Castanazzo. “Last month, it was this DIY sock project that apparently went nowhere. Then there was the whole ‘growing your own marijuana’ thing, but when he found out that could take months, he immediately backpedaled. I’m just glad he’s not trying to get us to invest in his products anymore. I gave him $20 for a zine I know will never see the light of day.”

Longtime acquaintances of the 30-year-old claim that this development is par for the course for Partouzi.

“You mean to tell me that in the face of mild inconvenience, Joey simply gave up rather than confront it? I am shocked,” sarcasticly noted friend Jess Fulcher. “As soon as he said he was starting this project, I knew it would amount to nothing. I love the guy, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone give up as easily as him: I’m still mortified from when I asked him to play softball, and he refused to go to bat unless he could hit off a tee and made everyone agree they wouldn’t try to tag him out.”

Upon being told that Partouzi was downloading software to compose his own drum and bass music, Fulcher rolled her eyes and gave the “jerk-off” hand motion.