WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename so-called Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility,” confirmed sources.
“Ruth Bader Ginsburg, or RBG as she is known in my group chats, was nothing if not a foundational trailblazer in the pursuit of justice who has been memorialized in Etsy merch gift ideas,” said Democratic Senator Chuck Schumer of New York. “While I don’t agree with the concept of Alligator Alcatraz personally, prisons are a part of the same justice system she worked her whole career to uphold. She’d be pleased by this, I think. It’s a good way to carry on the legacy she fought so hard to protect in her final years. Now when people think of immigrants being detained wrongfully in a detention facility, they’ll think of Ruth. We’ve done our part.”
The decision has also been embraced by Democratic voters.
“Nothing has seemed to go right since Justice Ginsburg died,” said registered Democrat Joyce Perriman, who was on her way to her local bee-keeping collective. “First we lost Roe v. Wade because the Democrats could do literally nothing to stop the Republicans. Then, Kamala lost because people got mad she was supporting the beautiful 51st state of Israel. Now Alligator Alcatraz. There’s just no decorum anymore. People getting deported in public spaces for all the world to see. I’ll say this, when Obama and Biden deported people, they did it with subtlety, in the dead of the night. That’s how it’s meant to be.”
This decision comes after a long bender of renaming sprees from the Democratic Party.
“We’re bringing decorum and civility back to some of America’s most criticized policies and establishments,” said Democrat Eric Swalwell of California’s 14th District. “Yay us! We’ve renamed the Border Wall the ‘Dianne Feinstein Memorial International Barrier’ to honor a legendary political figure, we’ve started calling our aide packages to Israel the ‘Harvey Milk Memorial Specials’ to honor a real queer rights icon and, of course, CECOT Prison is being renamed ‘the Harriet Tubman Honorary Indefinite Detention Facility.’ We couldn’t think of a more appropriate way to honor an American hero.”
At press time, Congressional Democrats were on hour 12 of their filibuster protest of the “Earl Warren Amendment For the Evisceration of the Temporarily Unhoused.”