AUBURN, N.Y. – Local dad Walter Morris reportedly interrupted his family’s annual viewing of “It’s a Wonderful Life” to inform them that Hunter Biden’s laptop may destroy American democracy, annoyed but unsurprised sources confirmed.
“I’m so happy we still keep the tradition of watching this heartwarming movie together each year,” stated Morris as he continued to drink more than he could handle. “I never get tired of seeing these characters realize the true meaning of Christmas, and thank my lucky stars I can share it with my loved ones in this beautiful country, or what’s left of it. Mark my words, Hunter Biden’s laptop will go down in history as the single biggest threat to our freedom-loving democracy. George Bailey may be a hero in this movie, but the real hero is the owner of that Delaware computer repair shop who blew the lid off our illegitimate President’s impeachable crimes.”
Morris’ daughter Brooke expressed how her dad has a history of ruining nice family moments with right-wing talking points.
“This is exactly why I’m counting down the days until spring semester starts,” explained Morris’s eldest daughter. “When I was here for Thanksgiving watching the Macy’s Day Parade he wouldn’t shut up about Benghazi and how many people he claims the Clinton’s have murdered, just as the adorable Snoopy float went by. He did something really alarming last time we watched ‘The Sound of Music.’ In that scene with the huge Nazi flag he stood up and saluted the screen. When stuff like that happens I almost wish he would bring up Pizzagate or the ‘stolen election’ for the millionth time.”
Relationship expert Ashley Nguyen described the need to be wary of relatives with hidden agendas during the festive season.
“The holidays are a time to relax, unless it’s spent with conspiracy-obsessed family members who use it as a chance to spread their divisive ideology,” Nguyen elucidated. “So it’s important to stay vigilant and not let your guard down. just because you’re watching a wholesome family movie, because these people can seamlessly go from commenting on Ralphie’s Red Ryder BB gun to the Biden family’s relationship with Ukraine’s Viktor Shokin and energy company Burisma that they saw on Reddit.”
At press time, Morris was planning to disrupt his niece’s upcoming school pageant of the “Nutcracker” by insisting to anyone who makes eye contact that the world needs to prosecute Dr. Fauci for his crimes against humanity.