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Couple Who Loves the Beastie Boys Finishes Each Other’s Sentences

MUNCIE, Ind. — Beastie Boys devotees and dedicated couple John Patterson and Alyssa Tully allegedly finish each other’s sentences when communicating between themselves and anyone else interacting with them, irritated sources confirmed.

“When I met John two and a half years ago, everything just sort of clicked,” said Tully, from the kitchen of the couple’s shared apartment. “He understands me in a way no man ever has — to the point where we complete each other’s thoughts, just like our favorite rap…”

“Group!” Patterson yelled in sync with his wife from a few rooms over.

Patterson agreed, claiming he has never “felt such a strong connection with another person.” He later credited their deep bond to a shared love of the Beastie Boys, long known for singing in unison.

“She’s the best person I’ve ever met: she’s kind, she’s generous… and, most importantly, we share a passion for shouting the ends of each other’s phrases,” Patterson said. “I really can’t imagine my life with anyone…”

“ELSE!” screamed Tully, now sitting next to Patterson.

However, former roommates and neighbors have long complained about the couple’s habit.

“Christ, these two became insufferable the moment they met each other,” said Rebecca Atwood, a former roommate of Tully’s. “We can’t spend any time together without the two of them making a scene. We went to a bar just the other night, and they were hollering each other’s drink orders the whole time. Nobody on staff knew what the hell they actually wanted; I know a couple people got up and left because they couldn’t handle it.”

“I’m telling you, nothing’s weirder than being near these two in a restaurant and hearing what sounds like two people yelling ‘ONIONS!’ seemingly at random,” she added.

Despite the tension surrounding them, both are optimistic that they have a long future together.

“We’ve already written our wedding vows,” said Tully. “I think everyone at the ceremony is going to be really touched by the two of us screaming on top of each other through the whole thing. Isn’t that what love is at the end of the…”

“DAY!” the couple yelled at each other.

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