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Converse Unveils Line of Pre-Duct Taped and Sharpied Shoes

BOSTON — Iconic shoe company Converse announced today a limited-edition line of their famous All-Star sneakers, pre-duct taped together and scribbled on with Sharpie markers, sources confirmed.

“Our ‘shoe-gineers’ are taking a page from the distressed denim trend, and modeled this new shoe based off what they look like after a few months of wear,” said Converse C.E.O. and President Davide Grasso. “Even better, it’s saving us money in labor costs — we only have to assemble half the shoe, and then tape up the rest.”

Initial design attempts included commissioned, drawn-on works by famous street artists Banksy, and Greg Mike — both of whom were quickly found to be either inaccessible or too expensive. Instead, the Converse design team dumped the initial 200 pairs of shoes, along with 300 Sharpies, at local skate park and let the teens “go to town” on them.

“Other than having to erase a lot of penises, the shoes came out really great,” lead designer Meghan Leandro said. “They have a very ‘real’ look about them — from the misquoted Rancid lyrics, to the stars-of-David that were meant to be Pentagrams.”

Social media is already buzzing about the shoes, thanks to photos posted by Instagram influencers Zach Williams and Emily Leigh Lee. William’s post, “I feel like a Runaway Teenager! #shoegame #kicks,” received 47,000 likes and over 500 comments. Meanwhile, Lee had her account banned after posting a picture of herself wearing a pair covered in crudely drawn swastikas with the comment, “Such pretty windmills!”

“The worst part about Converse is always the two days of breaking them in,” said Lee. “With these new Converse, I can already slide them on and off without having to untie the laces. And the hand-drawn ‘Ramones’ and ‘666’ on the white rubber toe part look pretty authentic, so no one will know I’m a poser.”

The shoes, expected to be released on Black Friday, will be available at Urban Outfitters locations around the country at a retail price of $279.

Photo by Steevven1.