NEW YORK – Employees of boutique consulting firm PayIt were shocked today when Bret Michaels showed up demanding an interview in response to their job posting for “office rockstars,” confirmed multiple star struck sources.
“He was dressed really professionally. Well, except for the bandana,” said PayIt HR manager Jean Port. “When I initially wrote the listing I was just hoping to delude some people into thinking this low-paying data entry job was similar to a rock n’ roll lifestyle, but then Bret Michaels shows up and throws a chair through our window while belting out the chorus to ‘Talk Dirty to Me.’ It was pretty sick to witness, but his Excel skills leave a lot to desire.”
Despite initial awkwardness in the interview, Michaels proved more than ready to jump headfirst into the company.
“I dominated that interview,” said the Poison frontman as he began searching Bumble for women aged 18-25. “They asked me if there was any time I faced adversity and had to overcome it. Shit man, all the time. This one time Tommy Lee and I were Eiffel Towering this groupie when suddenly he throws up all over her back. I acted quickly and got some paper towels before she could even notice. The interviewer loved that story. Said it was just like what they do here every day. Frankly I’m excited that my rock star experience is finally going to get me a job, because they wouldn’t take me at Quiznos.”
PayIt leadership expressed excitement at the prospect of bringing the “Rock of Love” alumnus to their team.
“Bret is an absolute dynamo and will be a great addition to the team,” said COO Rachel Dyth. “When you get Bret you get a guy who works hard for what he’s got. He’s shown a willingness to work, learn, and improve that we just wouldn’t see from someone like Jon Bon Jovi. You bring Bon Jovi in here and he spends his days browsing the internet and commenting on NextDoor. Bret Michaels puts his nose to the grindstone each and every day in a way that David Lee Roth would never even consider. He also brings some pretty great hookers in.”
At press time, Michaels was seen housing a handle of Evan Williams while watching a YouTube tutorial on VLookups.