Press "Enter" to skip to content

“Best Alternative Music Album” Grammy Winner Somehow Produced by A24

LOS ANGELES — The winner of the “Best Alternative Music Album” at the 62nd Annual Grammy Awards was allegedly produced by acclaimed independent entertainment company A24, surprised viewers reported.

“I have the album on vinyl and had no idea it was an A24 release, but there it was in the liner notes: ‘From the people that brought you ‘The Witch,’” casual Grammy viewer Stephen Parsing said. “When I saw that, I finally used the digital download code that came with the record — which not only got me a zip file of the album, but also a 35-minute video of some dude explaining the ending of ‘Midsommar.’ That clip gave me some great conversation nuggets to use on girls at parties to sound high-brow.”

A24 representatives were excited for the win, yet shocked to have been recognized on such a stage.

“We’ve been so busy creating content that mostly goes unnoticed by the elites that this one caught us by surprise,” A24 producer Rebekah Boots said. “It’s a numbers game for us. In 2019, we put out over 20 films, a whole bunch of TV shows and albums, and started to branch out into other areas. This coming year, look for several of our new A24-produced podcasts — all of which will feature different variations of Robert Pattinson brooding into a microphone.”

Grammy judges, initially hesitant to award the company, proved to have ulterior motives.

“We generally try to cater to people whose taste in music hasn’t evolved since freshman year of high school… you know, just like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,” Grammy Awards judge Max Lampen noted. “If we had it our way, Taylor Swift and Beyonce would win every category each year, including Best Metal Performance — whatever it takes to get our target audience to engage, so they can boost ratings and increase ad revenue. However, the outrage after the Oscars snubbed A24 this year left the door wide open for us to swoop in and grab that coveted movie-going age 25-35 demographic. ‘Uncut Gems’ was pretty dope, too.”

A24 announced it will also produce the next Ariana Grande album, which will have a deeply unsettling tone and be released only in select Best Buy locations.