ZION, Ill. — A banjo purchase by 41-year-old Stan Rukowski gave the millennial a decently affordable mid-life crisis, sources report.
“This thing ran me about $200, so it was definitely manageable,” said Rukowski. “Ever since I entered my forties, I needed something to help me cope with my impending mortality, but I didn’t have the funds to become a motorcycle guy or build a man cave. I work in data entry and moonlight as a Lyft driver, so I definitely can’t afford to buy a fancy new car or go on some huge vacation. Learning the banjo and maybe becoming a bluegrass guy seems much more tenable. I’m actually pretty excited to start learning this new instrument. Maybe I’ll complement it by becoming a whiskey guy, too. Or maybe even a guy who wears a fedora and suspenders now. Banjos really do open up a world of budget-friendly possibilities at this age.”
Rukowski’s wife was more relieved than anything.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not excited to listen to Stan learn his arpeggios over the next few months, but at least he’s not bankrupting us by buying a new Porsche,” noted Veronica Rukowski. “As far as mid-life crises go, I’m getting off pretty easily here. God forbid he notices the bald spot on the back of his head, because I know the resulting purchase would be something pretty drastic. I guess I’ll just let him have this and maybe find my own activity to get me out of the apartment while he practices. Maybe I’ll re-enroll in a hot yoga class or something. I’ll just have to take on a few extra shifts at the Olive Garden to be able to afford it.”
Sociologist Jiquanda Pickett was all too familiar with these types of age-related situations.
“Millennials are definitely experiencing mid-life crises differently than previous generations,” Pickett observed. “They’re feeling the same emotions that Baby Boomers did, but without the financial advantages that they had. The erosion of the middle class, due in large part to the Reagan presidency that their parents eagerly voted for, has ensured that even the most highly educated millennials are forced to work multiple jobs just to scrape by. Ordering a new instrument on Amazon and taking lessons on YouTube will have to suffice when there’s no way in hell you’re ever going to be able to purchase property.”
At press time, Rukowski decided to buy the banjo with installment payments after the couple had reviewed their finances.
