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Band’s Pre-Show Huddle Mainly Just Prayer That Allegations Don’t Come Out

DETROIT – Local band Affirmation Rising revealed that their traditional pre-show huddle mainly consists of prayers that serious allegations about them don’t come out, confirmed sources already trying to distance themselves from the band.

“Back when we first started we would pray that the show went well, but lately our pre-show huddles are less about channeling positive energy and more about praying to God that all the bad shit we’ve done doesn’t get exposed,” stated the band’s bassist Tre Muncy. “Part of me wishes I could admit what we’ve done, but to be honest I’m in way too deep. Plus, I really need this gig, otherwise I won’t be able to pay alimony, child support, or all that hush money for that thing I did in upstate New York back in ‘98.”

Jack Bennington, a crew member who witnessed the band’s odd backstage behavior at a recent show, described what he saw.

“At first the band did what normal groups do and held hands in a circle while bowing their heads in what looked like a heartfelt prayer to the Almighty,” said Bennington. “But then I overheard the singer ask the Lord to protect them from all the crimes they had to cover because of some ‘woke culture being out of control’ and some bullshit about how ‘the definition of consent was different 15 years ago.’ Even more strange is that after their prayer they all talked ad nauseam about being atheists. It’s like they weren’t even religious at all.”

Local priest Father Walter Potter explained how it’s more common than people realize for musicians to ask a higher power to protect them from their mortal sins.

“You’re asking me, a priest, if people ask God to protect them from serious criminal allegations?” chuckled Potter. “Ah yeah, it happens all the time. So often in fact, that God is usually too preoccupied sorting through the BS requests to keep a drummer’s DUI quiet or to sweep a church band’s sexual misconduct under the rug, that he’s too busy for anything else. Now if you’d excuse me, we’re having our daily prayer huddle here in a few minutes for, uh, unrelated reasons.”

At press time, police were investigating the band after a new song they performed at their last show contained vivid details about a decades-old murder that only the real killers could have known.