GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Touring Australian egg-punk band PENCIL PILE were heard to be dropping major hints that they’d like their crash pad host to make them pancakes come the morning, sources confirmed while acknowledging breakfast was an important meal.
“Sheesh, I know these dudes came a long way, but they started talking about what the ‘brekkie situation’ was going to be tomorrow even before they had plugged in their gear! Look, I’m honored to have them stay with me, but I’m not some hotel offering a continental breakfast here! I still live with my mom!” lamented local DIY booker Dewey Belasco. “I’m pretty sure I saw the drummer cradling his own personal little flask of maple syrup in anticipation. Ugh, how late is Bridge Street Market open, I can’t believe I’m gonna be pressured into this.”
Members of PENCIL PILE remained seemingly oblivious to the fact that they might be acting a little heavy-handed.
“All’s I’m saying is, we wouldn’t turn our noses up were the notion of a piping hot stack of pikelets after a night of drinkin’ and partyin’ and rockin’ and whatnot on the table. Simple as that really! Not trying to stir up a mess of trouble on our first tour,” said guitarist/singer Guy Canterbury, while clearly googling diners on his phone. “Now, that being said, is half the reason we hit the road to scam breakfast out of Yanks? I’d be lying if I didn’t own up to at least a percentage of that being true. But, overall, once our tummies are full, it’s really about the music, mate.”
A public outreach representative from the Bisquick corporation supported Belasco.
“We here at Bisquick know better than anyone the power a solid breakfast can hold. It is of our sound opinion that Mr. Belasco hold his ground, stay strong, and make it clear that the possibility of pancakes, waffles, or any and all manner of breakfast carbs should not be entertained, as it would set an impossible precedent he’d have to live up to in perpetuity,” said Yolanda Kline, while pouring a glass of batter from the breakroom watercooler. “Just because a band’s genre is ‘egg-punk’ doesn’t mean they’re entitled to a balanced breakfast on your own dime. Let them book one of those shows at a Denny’s if they want it that bad.”
At press time, the situation escalated to now include the possibility of chocolate chips, if it’s not too much trouble.
