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Bag Stuffed Into Bag of Bags

GREAT FALLS, Va.— Local dad Nathan Sweeney created a bag of bag of bags, dumping multiple plastic bag-filled bags into a larger bag in an attempt to prepare for any possible situation where they may be needed, his exasperated son reports.

“You can never be too prepared,” the elder Sweeney began, seemingly intent on turning an ordinary moment into a forced teaching moment for his son. “What if something goes wrong, and suddenly you’re responsible for waterproofing your sneakers, lining a trash can, and cleaning up after the dog? And to make it worse, your wife needs to carry her lunch to the office? A simple bag of bags won’t suffice, and as a man you need to know this.”

Sweeny’s teenage son Andrew greeted the passionate message with a blank stare, quickly followed by a vague nod intended to show a feeble attempt at listening.

“I’ve heard it all before — my grandfather was an outdoorsy type guy, and now my dad turns every situation into a Bear Gryllis life-or-death sort of thing,” he explained, noting that such generational change generally leads to a decreased prevalence of dehydrated food and an uptick in unused sports equipment. “He’s never wandered outside of the suburbs, but apparently the instinct remains.”

A local wilderness preparedness expert seemed puzzled when asked for comment.

 

“This isn’t exactly my wheelhouse,” said survivalist Danny Pasi. “I mean, being prepared is my deal, but I usually help people with fishing trips — not clipping bags into the glove compartment door to hold old Clif Bar wrappers until you can get to a trash can. I mean, if I think about it, I can see why he did it. It’s almost like a multitool, but for storage. He’s actually doing pretty important work.”

At press time, Sweeney was seen attempting to unstick his bag of bag of bags from the zipper of a backpack.

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