MANCHESTER, N.H. — Thirty-five-year-old punk Freddie Snyder discovered that the Devcon Duco Plastic and Model Cement he’s been huffing on and off for almost twenty years can also be used to assemble model figurines, relieved hobby store employees said.
“Man, I have been shoplifting this stuff since I was a kid but as I’m getting older the idea of getting dizzy and tingly just doesn’t do it for me anymore,” Snyder said while perusing the latest Bandai Spirits Ultraman Model Kits. “That’s when one of the guys here turned me on to my new addiction… Gundam models! Instead of spending hours stoned out watching ‘Magnum P.I.’ reruns, I am meticulously rebuilding a High-Grade UC RX-78-2 complete with beam rifle, shield, beam sabers, and bazooka!”
Snyder’s girlfriend Brooke Munoz sees her boyfriend’s new habit as a bit of a mixed blessing.
“Look, I am super glad he is finally getting clean, but I don’t know what to do with all of these robots… sorry, Gundams. We are running out of room in the apartment,” Munoz said while placing a Tallgeese model into a glass cabinet that once held their dishes. “I tried to get him into other arts and crafts hobbies like needlepoint or Perler beads but he just isn’t interested. We are also going broke buying all these kits. I’m pretty sure he’s spent more money on these things than he ever did on drugs.”
Manchester Hobby store manager Clifton Burke explained that reformed punks have been good for business.
“I see all these guys come in here with their dyed hair and nose rings trying to find anything that’ll get ‘em high. But now they are actually buying stuff for their exact purpose,” Burke said while restocking models of the 1958 Plymouth from the horror movie “Christine.” “Some are collecting model trains, some are getting into remote-controlled airplanes, one guy is even crocheting a sweater for his snake. I can’t keep H.A.M. radios on the shelves anymore!”
As of press time, Snyder had also discovered that the spray paint he had been inhaling could also be used for quality detail work.