CLEVELAND — Local elementary school student Chase Farmer recently found himself in a predicament after winning a skateboarding contest at his local skatepark and being awarded the top prize, a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, concerned sources report.
“I was super stoked when they announced that I had won the contest. I had been practicing that run for weeks, but I was very confused when they handed me a full case of beer,” said Farmer. “I mean don’t get me wrong it felt pretty cool to be nine and pushing beer down the sidewalk on my board, because it was way too heavy to carry, but I have no idea what to do with it. I already kickflipped over it, so what else is there? Honestly, I would have much rather have won third place prize which was a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.”
Many participants who competed in the contest were also surprised when Farmer was given the beer, including 2nd place winner, 20-year-old Logan Ellington.
“Chase killed it out there, but I do think it was pretty irresponsible to not change the prize for him. Even I know that he’s too young for beer, it would have been better if maybe they had a bucket of fireworks or something as a back up prize for the kid,” explained Ellington. “I wish they would have just given him the bearings I won and the beer to me. I know I’m underage too but I’m like right there, in 8 months I’ll be able to drink legally. Plus I was kind of counting on that case to impress this goth chick, Lilith, who works nights over at Arby’s.”
Farmers’s mother expressed her anger and disgust when he came into the house lugging the 30-pack of beers.
“I couldn’t believe anyone would think that is an appropriate prize. I was beside myself, to allow a child to bring that piss water into my home,” said Mrs. Farmer. “I am ashamed and disappointed that I didn’t raise my son to know better than to accept such an atrocious beer. He should know damn well that this is a Busch Light household, and if he didn’t, he does now. He’s grounded until he learns about quality brewing. I just hope the liquor store will let me exchange it or give me store credit.”
At press time, Farmer’s stepdad, Terry Morse, promised to scrap the aluminum cans and buy him some stickers or something after he crushes them all while watching reruns of “Pawn Stars.”