DALLAS — Local 45-year-old Jeff Booker appeared to have a Cornholio-impression tan line on his abdomen, hinting that he regularly reenacts the famous alter ego from former MTV show “Beavis and Butthead” while outdoors, extremely confused sources confirmed.
“Booker does a killer Cornholio,” resident Wayne Peterson said between handfuls of Doritos. “It’s the highlight of the block parties every year. Booker spends so much time with his shirt over his head demanding ‘TP for his bunghole’ during the summer he’s got a sweet base tan on his lower stomach. None of the kids, teens, senior citizens, Boomers, 20 year olds, or even 30 year olds here have any fucking clue who the hell Cornholio is, but all the parents kind of get a kick out of it.”
Booker was almost positive his Beavis impression was a huge hit.
“I am the Great Cornholio! I’m a gringo! You can take me, but you cannot take my bunghole!” Booker said with his arms raised in the air. “But in all seriousness, this is one of the many impressions I do at parties. In the winter, I wear my blue beanie with the yellow poof and red coat, so I can do my Cartman impression at social gatherings. I used to actually do an impression of Butthead playing frog baseball, but that only freaked out everyone and it was hard getting a new frog before every party.”
Beavis’ and Butthead’s bizarre speech patterns made them instantly popular with kids and teens in the ‘90s.
“The Cornholio impression is a staple of a certain type of middle-aged white man raised in the suburbs,” according to pop culture historian Alyssa Rodriguez. “You’ll often see these men with their t-shirt necks around their heads and their arms aloft, asking onlookers if they are threatening them. Studies show it’s used as a comforting, socializing behavior. In fact, many of these so-called ‘Cornholio Teens’ evolved into ‘Borat Bros’ in the early 2000s. To this day many of them will code switch from worrying about getting ‘polio in their bungholio’ to loudly describing some odd characteristic about their ‘WIIIIIIIFFFFEE!’”
At press time, Booker was seen staring at a poolside barbecue pit, muttering “fire, fire!”