SOMERVILLE, Mass. — Local 29-year-old Hector Pinske can no longer locate his refrigerator under a steadily growing pile of magnets, save-the-dates, and wedding invitations received from seemingly every unmarried couple he knows, confirmed sources who just wanted a Lacroix.
“I guess this all kind of started right when the pandemic cooled off a bit and people felt safe again to plan the weddings they’d been putting off for years,” said an exhausted sounding Pinske, mindlessly tearing open an ornately addressed envelope and tossing its contents onto the pile immediately after reading the words “you are cordially invited.” “But it’s gone from a manageable trickle to an out-of-control downpour: All my weekends are double booked with weddings for the next three years and my credit cards are maxed out with charges from airlines, hotels, and Zola registries.”
Some friends of Pinske, including his former college roommate and groom-to-be Noah Hernandez, aren’t quite sure what the problem is.
“I’ve visited Hector’s apartment recently and yes, he clearly has an above-average number of wedding invitations that completely cloak his metal fridge doors on all sides,” said Hernandez. “But that shouldn’t be viewed as an issue when it’s actually a blessing! Weddings are celebrations of love and anyone on the invite list should be honored they made the cut. And if Hector doesn’t make it to Oakland for my wedding in September, not going to lie I’ll be pretty pissed.”
Local Postal Service mail carrier Tashi Hoshino noted that Pinske is not alone when it comes to the uptick in invitations.
“My department recently had to double the size of our delivery truck fleet just to keep up with the deluge of heavy cardstock letters announcing civil unions, bridal showers, and gender reveal parties,” said Hoshino, icing her back that now constantly aches from carrying overstuffed bags of mail. “If you think Hector’s situation is bad, look into the front window of the condo on 78 Roberson Lane. You can’t even see their living room floor anymore. Not that it even matters since the couple who lives there has been traveling since March in order to attend weddings.”
At press time, Pinske was seen rushing his cat to an emergency vet after an avalanche of invites buried the small animal for over an hour.