Music Archives - Page 43

Local Punk Scene Thrown Into Turmoil After Opening Band Leaves Right After Playing Their Set

Matt Oriente • January 3, 2025

BLUE ISLAND, Ill. – Opening band Abridged Aversion left the local punk scene in a tailspin when they immediately departed…

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Upcoming AC/DC North American Tour Mostly Excuse for Band to Visit “Yellowstone” Filming Locations

Tim Graham • January 2, 2025

SYDNEY — Rock legends AC/DC are gearing up for another tour of the US so they can see where their…

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Black Metal Band Therapist Suggests Series of Team-Building Church Burning Activities

Steve Packosky • January 2, 2025

OSLO, Norway — Black metal band Frossen Ensomhet undertook a series of team-building church burning activities at the behest of…

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Local Man Still Riding High Off Successfully Recommending Band in 2016

Antonio Cruise • January 1, 2025

PORTLAND, Ore. — Local resident Calvin Davenport continues to experience unprecedented levels of euphoria nearly a decade after successfully recommending…

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Clown From Slipknot Makes New Year’s Resolution to Hit a Beer Keg With His Baseball Bat at Least 50 Times a Day

Steve Packosky • December 31, 2024

DES MOINES, Iowa — Slipknot percussionist Shawn “Clown” Crahan reportedly resolved to hit a beer keg with his baseball bat…

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Bombshell Report Claims Tony Hawk Did Not Actually Write the Song “Superman by Goldfinger”

Patrick Coyne • December 30, 2024

LOS ANGELES — A shocking new report by citizen journalist/unemployed man Gary Russo claims that skateboarder Tony Hawk did not…

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Elderly Man Falls for Old “Red Hot Chili Peppers CD Stuffed into a Flaming Bag at Front Door” Gag

Chris Bowen • December 30, 2024

ALBION, N.Y. — Local curmudgeon Hadwin McKlusky fell victim to a vicious prank played by neighborhood kids in which they…

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Dave Mustaine Starts Second, Rival Retirement Organization After Being Kicked Out of AARP

Steve Packosky • December 29, 2024

LA MESA, Calif. — Prolific thrash metal frontman Dave Mustaine started a rival retirement organization after being removed from the…

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Man Still Grieving Radio Station That Went Off the Air 20 Years Ago

Ben Friedman • December 28, 2024

EATONTOWN, N.J. — Local man Brian Johanssen admitted that he is still grieving the loss of his favorite radio station…

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Panicked Ian MacKaye Frantically Calling Documentarians After Remembering Anecdote About ‘80s Hardcore He Hasn’t Told Anyone Yet

James Knapp • December 28, 2024

WASHINGTON — Ian MacKaye was recently spotted scrambling down a block, knocking over multiple children and old people who were…

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