Jonah Nink
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I wish I could take it back. I wish I had never set foot into that Guitar Center just before…
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Mark Roebuck
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PITTSBURGH — A local film club consisting entirely of goths announced today that their next event will feature a screening…
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Lauren Lavín
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GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Local punk Hazel Mason ate her entire three-day supply of weed earlier today while standing in line…
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Dear Scabby: My boyfriend is a total shithead. Habitual liar and addicted to pain killers. The problem is we're both…
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Lauren Lavín
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CONCORD, Calif. — A local punk teenager resisted becoming “a vessel for consumerist propaganda” today by immediately covering the logo…
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Jordan Breeding
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WASHINGTON — The National Rifle Association demanded today fewer restrictions surrounding the purchase and use of U.S. senators, in response…
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Patrick Coyne
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LOS ANGELES — A mysterious pair of sunglasses discovered by local crust punk and drifter Rick “Zilch” Toombs allegedly allow…
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Brooks Gray
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SANDUSKY, Ohio — Sandusky resident Brent Farrett, well-known for his racism-free skeleton, was flabbergasted yesterday by his diagnosis of “acute…
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Goodrich Gevaart
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BLOOMFIELD, Iowa — A rally for Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders is entering its fourth hour of delay while event…
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Patrick Crooks
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NAPLES, Fla. — A dinner party last night was left in tatters after an anti-vaccination activist and 9/11 truther used…
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