Tim Sheard
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January 24, 2025
BOSTON, Mass. — Harvard scientists studying modern American relationship dynamics made a breakthrough discovery by identifying the first conventionally attractive…
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John Danek
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January 24, 2025
CHARLEROI, Pa. — Lifelong punk Hunter Burchuk experienced the startling epiphany that moshing is “dumb as hell” during a recent…
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Courtney Hill
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January 23, 2025
KEENE, N.H. — Family court judge Deanna Westcock was unexpectedly persuaded to reconsider a tense custody battle following a stirring…
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Jason Clemence
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January 23, 2025
AUSTIN, Texas — Members of the instrumental post-rock band Explosions in the Sky condemned Hollywood’s current lack of emotionally resonant…
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Tim Sheard
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January 22, 2025
CHICAGO — United Airlines unveiled a new ad campaign that will emphasize the length of time that’s passed since the…
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WILMINGTON, Del. — Former President Joe Biden announced he is embarking on a new project designed to destroy the homes…
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WASHINGTON — The collection of white dorks that make up Elon Musk's entourage asked for a significant raise if they…
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Jordan Liffengren
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January 20, 2025
WASHINGTON — Famed Harry Potter villain Lord Voldemort was spotted at Donald Trump’s Presidential Inauguration, hiding under First Lady Melania…
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Steve Packosky
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January 20, 2025
WASHINGTON — White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller capped off his day by rewatching the death of horse…
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Trevor Graham
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January 19, 2025
BENTONVILLE, Ark. — Local naive man Collin Blakeman blissfully contributed savings to his 401(k) despite the fact there is no…
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