Sari Beliak
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May 24, 2020
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. –– Management at local venue The Corner Spot, who kicked you out for starting fights and lighting a…
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SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Streaming giant Hulu announced Tuesday that, due to nationwide stay-at-home orders, fans of the mid-2000s sitcom…
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Patrick Crooks
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May 23, 2020
NEW YORK — Quarantined man Michael Gray repeated his rigid daily routine moments ago when he turned off his alarm,…
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STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Recently deceased Amazon warehouse worker Freddie Romero was named “Employee of the Month” yesterday for his…
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Zach Russell
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May 22, 2020
ANNAPOLIS, Md. — Lifelong nerd Nate Guajardo emerged from a local Planet Fitness facility today “beefed out as fuck” after…
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Tom Peters
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May 21, 2020
DALLAS — Local small aircraft pilot Skippy Barnes is supplementing his skywriting income with a clandestine, government-backed chemical-spraying side gig,…
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Ed Saincome
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May 21, 2020
All people must unify now! Dammit, this virus doesn’t care what your race is! It will harm you and your…
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LOS ANGELES — Local woman Mattie Foster, known for her drunken outbursts at shows, is now simply loud and wasted…
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BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — A quarantined couple stuck in the same house under self-isolation since March ended their one-and-a-half year-long relationship…
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WASHINGTON — Governors from all 50 states agreed that shelter-in-place orders would firmly remain on your shitty band as the…
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