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Workaholic? This Minimum Wage Worker Has Two Jobs!

Did you hear about Death Metal Dave? Yeah, he got ANOTHER job. Ever since he slammed on a lame-ass frontside boardslide on the flatbar at the skatepark and got that compound leg fracture, Dave’s become such a workaholic. He’s like the Glengarry Glen Ross of minimum wage food service, and I am here for it.

Dave’s dedication to his jobs is insane. Last weekend, he didn’t even have a birthday party because he worked a late shift at the bar, opened at the bagel shop, and then worked another double at the bar. Talk about putting your career first! I mean, take a day off, dude! Your birthday is way more important than the racks you’re stackin’.

News flash–you should have a healthy work/life balance! That said, I really hope Dave buys some new shoes before injecting all his money directly into his stock portfolio. Those Chuck Taylors are older than his iPhone 6, but Dave’s probably too focused on hobbling up the corporate ladder to pay attention to how fashionable his feet are.

Dave’s always doing the most on socials, too. You should check his Instagram story out if you ever need a little extra #mondaymotivation. He’s always talking about his career like, “If I don’t work, I can’t live,” and “I can’t afford to have a day off.” He usually records his videos in a break room or on the bus between jobs since he can’t drive with his busted leg yet. Dude’s a maniac.

If I go a week without some quality time at the beach with my homies or going on a fancy dinner date with my girl, I lose my mind. Not Dave. That dude is all work and then more work and sometimes physical therapy because I guess a compound fracture requires ongoing medical attention.

I DMed Dave about taking a trip to Cabo or the Keys if Mr. CEO can pry himself away from his two jobs for a week or two this spring. Mr. Overachiever left me on read for a couple days before saying he was thinking about delivering for Uber Eats as a third job when he can drive since his car isn’t new or reliable enough to carry passengers.

Honestly, I don’t see how constantly working, traveling between jobs, eating vending machine dinners, and sleeping three to four hours a night is healthy. Dave clearly is addicted to work, and I hope he gets the help he needs.