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What Your Sex Dreams About The Cast Of Seinfeld Actually Mean, According To Science

It’s 3:00 am, and you just woke up from another Seinfeld dream. This time it was an erotic session of impact play with George Costanza. He had several issues with how you spanked his supple flesh, but the complaining only made it hotter. Wow, that was a wild one…but what does it mean?

While it may be “normal” and “healthy” to have sex dreams, it can also feel confusing to have them about actors from an incredibly successful ’90s sitcom. That’s why we asked a psychologist to shed light on what your sheet-staining fantasies about the cast of Seinfeld actually mean, according to science!

Jerry Seinfeld
If you’re making late-night love with the show’s namesake, then you’re probably more on the vanilla side. Studies have shown that sex dreams about Jerry Seinfeld reflect a subconscious desire for a lover that makes pointed observations about what’s going on in the bedroom. They want to be told “what the deal is” every step of the way from foreplay to climax. And who can blame them?

George Costanza
Have you experienced the timeless art of seduction first-hand? You’re not alone, as erotic dreams about Seinfeld’s beloved neurotic character are shockingly common. According to several peer-reviewed studies, sex dreams about George Costanza are the mind’s way of processing insecurities into a surprisingly enjoyable sexual experience. “Everything George fears, we fear. By dreaming about his shrinkage, we find ways to deal with our own shrinkage as well”, said Dr. Lawrence Davidson.

Elaine Benes
Having a steamy romance with Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ iconic character may sound great, but recent studies have shown that individuals with any kind of sexual fantasy about Elaine Benes have a 60% higher chance of having intimacy issues in real-life. Who would’ve thought dreaming of Elaine giving you a personal little kick dance could have such dark implications?

Cosmo Kramer
You’re sick in the head. Absolutely fucked. Get some help.

There’s nothing better than being snapped in half like a slutty slim jim by your girthy nemesis, right? According to data collected by the Wayne Knight Institute of Newman Studies, Newman-based orgasms have nearly tripled this past year!

Scientists believe these kinds of sex dreams are the mind’s way of coping with the death impulse. Newman represents pure masculine energy, raw power, and impressive cunning. All these elements explain why four out of every five people you meet have had toe-curling Newmangasm within the past 24-hours. Guilty as charged!