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What the Fuck: This Guy Is Listening to the Mountain Goats While Lifting

Normally the gym is a place for quiet contemplation and self-improvement, but this time I left utterly confused. This enormous lunk across from me is clearly listening to the Mountain Goats while power-lifting and I’m befuddled.

He first caught my attention by aggressively grunting “I’m gonna make it through this deadlift if it kills me,” and then lifted 400 pounds like it was nothing. The weird thing is he was definitely listening to ‘Arguing With the Ghost of Peter Laughner About His Coney Island Baby Review’ while doing that lift.

This man mountain then walked over to the squat rack and asked the lady using it if she had ever heard of Chavo Guerrero and then started doing burpees before she even had the chance to respond.

This man is a true wild card. Is he cool? Is he insane? Is he dangerous? I honestly don’t know how to exist around this person right now.

I swear to God I saw this guy was benching three plates and screaming about his step-father on each press up. Must be listening to The Sunset Tree. I could understand blasting your biceps to The Decemberists, at least they have a consistent rhythm sometimes, but this motherfucker is lifting to some whiny off-tempo acoustic bullshit.

He’s talking to the gym staff now about how John Darnielle cut a lyric from ‘No Children’ about hoping he takes too much creatine and gets diarrhea. How would he have gotten that inside scoop? Is this guy John Darnielle? I’ll Google Photos it. Ok he’s not.

He’s fully pounding his protein shake and getting it all over his Goths t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. I’m honestly scared of this mound of muscle, if his shuffle hits on something hype like ‘The Best Ever Death Metal Band Out Of Denton’ he might kill everyone in this Planet Fitness.

He left for a while and everyone in the gym relaxed a bit, but I knew we were in for trouble when he came back wearing a wrestling leotard. I walked out of the gym right as he started declaring himself the ‘middle-weight champ of all Mexico’ and demanding people try to pin him.