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We Sat Down With Trapt Because We Were Selling Our Plasma Too

Geez man, this economy just keeps getting tougher. Last year it was crushing inflation and now there’s talk of recession. At least that’s what our bosses said when they froze our salaries. I guess it was cool of them to wait until after the holidays so we could still have fun running up our credit card balances, but still!

It’s time to get that proletariat side hustle on, but we’re really burnt out from the usual gigs. That little asshole we drove to the Machine Gun Kelly show gave us a one-star rating, so our Uber days are over. And it turns out Caviar customers don’t tip if you sample their fries, so we decided to go big and get into BioTech. We’re gonna sell our plasma and make rent.

Unfortunately, this looks like a pretty competitive industry. Before we could even finish signing all the waivers, Twitter sensation Trapt walked in!

The Hard Times: Hey, aren’t you guys a commercially successful band?
Trapt: We’re a band, yes. What’s it to you?

Are you, like, shooting a video here or something?
No, we’re here because it’s been two days since our last plasma donation.

You guys come in that often?
Well yeah, unless we’re on tour or promoting a new release. Then we come in every three days.

Got it. What else have you guys been up to?
We’ve been rocking those online surveys you can take for money. And we had some good luck finding banks that pay you a few bucks for opening an account with them. The only challenge there is sourcing the startup capital for the $100 minimum account balance, you know?

Totally. Anything else?
The “refer a friend” promotions seemed promising at first, but they only let you refer your bandmates so many times.

Can’t you just hit up your other friends?

Makes sense. Any new music in the works?
Why bother? It’s only four more years until the 25th anniversary of Headstrong. The re-issue is gonna be lit!

Can’t wait.