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We Sat Down With Our Dad, but We Didn’t Talk Much

Dads: so mysterious, so inscrutable. The word itself conjures questions like, “where do we come from?” “where are we going?” and “why am I never good enough no matter how good at yoyoing I get?”

So when we were offered the opportunity to speak to the man himself we couldn’t pass it up. We sat down for an exclusive interview during the commercial break of the Pats game. It might not seem like much, but we think we definitely made some progress.

The Hard Times: Hey wow, dad, this is such an honor. I’ve heard so much about you. I’m so glad mom was able to set this up.

Dad: Mm-hm.

Okay, cool. So, first question…um…who’s winning?


It’s a tie.

Right…cool…cool. I love sports. I don’t know if you remember when I used to play-

Can we get on with it?

Sure. Yep. No problem. So, given this rare opportunity, I know our loyal readers would kill me if I didn’t ask this question: how was Home Depot last weekend?


Awesome, awesome. Were there, like, any deals on…parts…and stuff?


That’s great. So great.

You spoken to your sister?

Kristen? Yeah, yeah, she’s doing really good, actually. I’m sure she’d love a phone call or-


How’s school?

Me? Oh, I’m done with school. I’m 26.

You always were a quitter.

Oh, no that’s not…I mean…Let’s just move on. So the main question on the top of everyone’s mind right now is how about those clowns in congress? Am I right?

Congress? If you’d actually read one of those Q-drops I send you, you’d know that any day now, Killary-

Okay! Well, this was great. Thanks so much for making the time. And also, you know I just want to say that..umm…I love you, dad.


Nothing. Just I was…nothing.

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