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We Sat Down With a Reunited Fugazi and They Were Pretty Pissed This Wasn’t Actually a Make-A-Wish

Few musical fanbases foam at the mouth for a reunion more than Fugazi’s. The post-hardcore trailblazer’s influence can still be found in new bands today. But no matter how many groups try to imitate the complex songwriting, postmodern lyrics, and controlled chaos, no one will ever quite be like Ian, Guy, Brendan, and Joe.

That’s why we were so stoked that the members of Fugazi are finally back together and agreed to let us interview them! Our only regret was that they found out this wasn’t actually set up by the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

The Hard Times: Fugazi! Back together under the same roof. Have you all been in touch since going on hiatus, or is this kinda weird and awkward?

Fugazi: Oh, we actually didn’t know there were going to be reporters here. We came to spend some time with little Skyler, here.

Of course there’s a journalist here you silly gooses! A monumental occasion like this must be documented.

 

Yeah, I guess that’s true. He looks like he’s fighting really hard.

Huh? Yeah, sure. He’s cool. Actually, his mom said he has to be back by 4 so we should probably start this interview. I’m gonna have to wash the powder off his face so he doesn’t look this pale when she sees him.

Wait, Skyler doesn’t have terminal cancer?

Ha! Nah, man. The only disease Skyler has is the acting bug, don’t ya little guy. But since you’re all here, why don’t you-

This is some evil shit. How did you even get this hospital room?

That reminds us, if you could keep it down so staff doesn’t notice we’re in here, that’d be great. Anyways, your last record “The Argument” saw continued growth-

Shut the fuck up. The fact that you would bait us with pediatric cancer is sickening. You should be ashamed of yourself.

We can accept that. In fact, we should all take accountability for this situation. Like, maybe it was a little egocentric for you to think that a dying 7-year-old would have a musical palate for angular guitar lines and abstract lyrics like Fugazi’s. We’re the real fan!

This is so messed up. We’re leaving. Don’t follow us. But it is nice to see each other again.

You’re welcome, Fugazi fans.

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