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We Sat Down With a Previously Uncontacted Aboriginal Tribe Whose Favorite Movie Is Still “Fight Club”

Anthropology is amazing. By studying the customs of isolated and nomadic peoples we can glean invaluable insights into our own origins. In the heart of South America, a mining scout recently discovered a tribe previously unknown to Western civilization, the Mayhemashi, who have gone so long without contact from the outside world that their favorite film is still David Fincher’s “Fight Club.”

In our modernized culture, “Fight Club” stopped being our favorite movie a long time ago somewhere between 1999 and 2007. But among these isolated people, “Fight Club” fandom is a living, breathing part of daily life.

One truly feels like a time traveler walking amongst this simple mud hut colony. Hunters emerge from the jungle with the night’s feast of wild boar hoisted on their backs to the cheers of the tribe. Elder’s perform ritualistic dances to thank the Gods for such a bounty. Other men do half-assed Jeet Kune Do routines and sardonically quip things like “I am Jack’s dwindling sense of gratitude,” still an accepted form of alpha posturing.

We tried to interview the tribe’s leader but apparently they’ve learned to function without central leadership, as their mythology centers around everyone being an equally insignificant cog in the “all singing all dancing crap of the world.” Instead, we interviewed the tribesman with the coolest sunglasses and jacket, who seemed to be sort of low-key running the show anyway.

The Hard Times: Thank you for agreeing to speak to us on your people and their ways.

Tribesman: I am Jack’s disarmed interviewee.
Interpreter: He doesn’t know what to make of you quite yet.

I guess you can call me your single serving reporter.
That’s very clever. How’s that working out for you? Being clever?
He’s calling you out on your bullshit.

Yeah, I know. So Fight Club deals with a lot of very Western themes like capitalism and consumerism. How is it that those themes resonate so hard with a culture that has no concept of such things?
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken!
He is challenging your status as an expert.

Yeah, no I get it. I don’t think we’ll be needing you actually, thanks. May I ask what it is that you are all working on?
We are building a Starbucks.

Why are you building a Starbucks?
So that Project Mayhem can destroy it because Starbucks is bullshit.
Hey, why do I hear Tom Wait’s “Goin Out West” playing? And why is everyone gathering in that hut?
If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight.
Oh, uhm, none for me thanks!
I would go with them if I were you. These people have some very strange circumcision rituals for people who piss them off.