In 1994, two charming idiots from New Hope, Pennsylvania, Aaron Freeman and Mickey Melchiondo (a.k.a. Gene and Dean Ween), gave us one of the most defining alt-rock albums of our generation, Chocolate and Cheese. Abandoning their signature lo-fi aesthetic for a professional studio, Ween proved they were ready to take their absurdist pop genius to the big leagues, creating a masterpiece that includes 60s psych-pop melodies, 70s funk rhythms, and an album cover that I am once again masturbating to.
Republican lawmakers can take away my God-given right to Pornhub, but they can’t take away my rights to pleasure myself while my wife and kids are at the grocery store. Speaking of, the first track “Take Me Away,” is a sweaty, Vegas-inspired jam that highlights Freeman’s impressive vocal range and showman skills, while Melchiondo’s fuzzed-out solo perfectly rounds out this opening ripper. You know what else is perfectly round? That set of boobs on the cover.
My lord, that underboob! It’s somehow even better than seeing regular, naked boobs. It leaves so much more to the imagination, like that time in college when Kimmy DeLuca almost had a nip slip at a car wash fundraiser for the field hockey team.
“Freedom of 76”, one of the most powerful tracks on the album, is a soulful nod to the city of Philadelphia. The jazz minor 7 chords by Dean, and the stirring falsetto vocals by Gene combine to create the quintessential soundtrack to rubbing one out to the sexiest headless woman I’ve ever seen.
With one hand on my penis, and the other on the Boognish, I’ve gotta say, I’ve never been this turned on by a belt before. I’ve experimented with belts in the past, but never thought of simply putting it around the waist.
In the Beatles meets Elliot Smith flavored “Baby Bitch,” Gener softly serenades us with the painful and vulgar, “Fuck you, you stinkin’ ass ho” which happens to be the opening line to the voicemails I’m leaving my state representatives until they bring Pornhub back.
Chocolate and Cheese cemented Ween as cult heroes and helped define their beautiful, fucked up universe for all of us to live in. With songs like “Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down)”, “Buenos Tardes Amigos,” and “The HIV Song,” it’s probably the only album that can give you an aneurysm and an orgasm at the same time. For any fan of good music and even better tits, it’s an important album to have in the collection…until you can find a VPN to connect you back to Pornhub.