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We Celebrate the 25th Anniversary of Little Giants by Speculating Whose Life Has Been Destroyed by CTE

Released in 1994, Little Giants is the classic underdog story of a misfit football team overcoming the odds to defeat their more talented opponents with determination and creativity. Fun! However, in 2019 we have a lot more knowledge on the causes or consequences of CTE.  Less fun!

So today, let’s speculate on which of these adorable little Rudy’s are most likely to end up murdering their entire family before hanging themselves!

Becky “The Ice Box” O’Shea: Becky is the personification of how girls can play sports with the boys. And even beat them! However, she likely went to college in the early 2000s and spent most of her time in a lengthy Title IX battle before landing a lucrative career as a Collegiate  Sports Litigator. Likelihood of CTE: 0/10.

Junior Floyd: Before there was Tom Brady, Devon Sawa’s Junior Floyd was America’s favorite pretty boy quarterback. CTE may not destroy him but let’s be honest he probably got cancelled before his sophomore season. Likelihood of CTE: 5/10

Spike Hammersmith: Assuming the weight of his football-obsessed father’s expectations didn’t drive him to alcoholism after he ends up being a draft bust, a life of playing football will leave him permanently damaged. Fortunately, he didn’t seem all that bright to begin with, so… silver lining? Likelihood of CTE: 8/10

Jake Berman: The wimpy kid with the over protective mom makes some big tackles and scores the winning touchdown. Though he took blows to the head throughout the movie, his helicopter mom likely pulled him out of football the second the credits rolled. Of course, he was pretty big on those helmet to helmet hits. Likelihood of CTE: 3.14/10

Rudy Zolteck: It’s been statistically proven that offensive linemen suffer from CTE at a higher rate than other positions so sorry kid, you’re screwed. On the plus side, it’s not like he’s quarterback or any other player we’d care about. Likelihood of CTE: 10/10