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WAIT: Did You Just Shazam “Holland, 1945?”

So that’s essentially my oral history of Paw Tracks Records. I’m thinking about turning it into a TED Talk or seeing if Huffington Po….

Wait, what are you doing? Why are you lifting your phone in the air? Do… do you have Shazam open?

You must be fucking with me. That’s the only possible thing happening right now. Do you really not know Neutral Milk Hotel’s “Holland, 1945”?

How is that possible? We’ve been friends for years! We dormed together at MICA and I had a copy of “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea” on 180 gram vinyl there! How many times did I play it while we were doing salvia?

This song practically revolutionized the use of singing saw in the neo-folk movement for fucks sake! How have you received a college education and not learned that?

I named my cat “Two One Two Three Four” because of this song. You were never curious what that could mean?

WHO THE FUCK EVEN USES SHAZAM?! Jesus Christ put that phone down before someone notices, you’re embarrassing me!

I’ve seen your Tinder profile. You have “music” listed as one of your top hobbies. This is inexcusable.

What’s the big deal? What’s the big deal?!? Oh I don’t know, “Holland, 1945” is only the greatest song ever written about trying to hook up with Anne Frank! Show some damn respect.

You sicken me. I can’t even finish this avocado toast and Blue Bottle Tanzania pour over. What a waste of $36.

Go fuck yourself. Seriously, go fuck yourself to hell and back.

Just leave. It’s fitting that the song just changed to “How Soon Is Now?” because you can’t walk out of here soon enough.