Thank you, thank you, sir. Thanks for coming out tonight and supporting my music.
This next song is very special. It addresses the haters. It addresses my motherfucking critics. It’s for the naysayers who said one man with a 1980’s drum machine, one accordion, and three Boss Metal Zone pedals would fail.
This next one is dedicated to everyone who said I couldn’t or wouldn’t make it! The song is called “You Were All Correct.” God dammit, you were all so right. I should have listened. But it’s too late to change now.
I’ve burned all my bridges in my pursuit of music and haven’t looked back. Let me just say – that was a huge mistake.
Sure, I’ve played gigs to dozens and dozens of fans, if you count bar staff. But the haters won’t acknowledge that. They’ll say things like “Those were expensive pay-to-play gigs and you are in the hole financially.” And they will be correct. I am on a first-name basis with my Capital One Bank debt collector.
But what the doubters didn’t realize is that no one can stop me! Not even I can stop me. I wish I could. I’m just so, so darn stubborn. I could get a degree in library sciences or nutrition. But no, I am doomed to play these songs that I don’t even like to people who accidentally thought they were going to see Ed Sheeran because my name is Ed Sheenan. Sorry, sir. You really should have known Ed Sheeran wouldn’t be playing the Bakersfield VFW on a Monday night.
But if you want to sing along to this incredibly defiant song, the chorus is “I am so stupid for not listening to you, I’ve thrown my life away. Please let me back into your life in any capacity, I realize you simply cared about me. I’m sorry for shitting in your mailbox.” You’ll figure out the melody and timing. I can’t even really do it the same way twice, because I am so deeply untalented at music. Okay, let’s hit it!