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This $1250 Security Deposit Probably Not Worth 45 Minutes of Cleaning

Anyone who has ever rented property before knows full well that the whole system is rigged to screw over tenants. The biggest ripoff of all, of course, is the security deposit. That’s why I am refusing to help clean. I will not be another pawn in this predatory game. Also, I’m kinda sleepy and I’m pretty sure this $1250 deposit isn’t worth the 45 minutes of cleaning my roommates keep desperately asking me to do.

This is a tough decision because on one hand my share of the deposit could pay off a good chunk of my credit card. On the other hand, my time is pretty valuable too. Best Buy values my time at almost $10 an hour so I think that makes the two about even. Plus, Unsolved Mysteries is on Prime now and this bowl isn’t gonna smoke itself.

When you really think about it, would we even be getting our $1250 back? When you consider the inflation that likely occurred since we signed the lease 11 months and 3 weeks ago, it’s more like $975 at best. And in the “45 minutes it would take to clean this place if we ALL pitched in,” the economy will probably inflate some more and it’ll be closer to $974.50. I will not be a part of your system. Because my system involves pretzels and sitting on the couch my roommates are struggling to move.

I’ll admit, Mrs. Gorski was a top notch landlord and is a sweet lady that frequently brought us fresh baked muffins. And sure, she flat out told us that if we just tidy up a little before leaving she’ll give us our security deposit back in full. But anyone who honestly believes a word out of a greedy slumlord’s mouth is a goddamn fool. Let’s lynch the landlord!

My gullible roommates can clean up if they want but I’m not helping. It’s the principle of the thing. Which principle you may ask? I dunno, how ’bout the principle of “cleaning totally sucks ass and I don’t wanna do it.” Unless anyone has Adderall. If so I’ll do this whole fucking thing myself in 30 seconds flat.

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